Talks for Those Fighting the Good Fight

Let's be real, life can be hard.

Especially if you're fighting the good fight.

Although there are many interpretations of what that actually means, for the purpose of this post, those fighting the good fight are those of us who are honestly seeking to do good and be good.  Those who are either living a good life and trying to sustain it, or are fighting to create a good life when the past hasn't been as great as it should have been.

Given that definition, I think it's safe to assume most of us are fighting the good fight, LDS or not.  

There won't be much content in this post, but it will contain links to LDS talks that, over the course of the past few years, have helped me a great deal personally.  The talks cover a range of subjects that are relevant to almost all of us at various points in our lives.  

Some of these talks are good for rough days.  Some of them are good for days where everything is going well.  All of them are great talks.

Wherever you are in life, I hope you can find something in one of these that will help you along the way.

Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list of great talks, but I have listened to each of these talks many, many times through different challenges and each one has helped me in it's own way.  

So, given it's the season of giving I just wanted to pass on some encouragement, especially during this time of year where we celebrate hope, joy, and new beginnings.  

Above all, I hope these talks serve as a reminder of the real source of hope and joy and new beginnings, Jesus Christ.  I also hope this season, we remember the reason for the season as we #sharethegift.  The first gift.

Merry Christmas ya'll and a Happy New Year!

If you need a new beginning

Remember Lot's Wife

Elder Jeffrey R Holland

If you want change, but keep messing up

You Can Do It Now!

President Dieter F Uchtdorf

If you are fighting doubts

For Times of Trouble

Elder Jeffrey R Holland

If you aren't sure if your answers are in your head or from God

Line Upon Line, Precept Upon Precept

Elder David A Bednar

If you are fighting to rid yourself of bad habits or cultivate good ones

Flaxen Threads

Elder Carlos E Asay

If you are worried about the "M" word

For Single LDS Adults: Choosing a Marriage Partner

Brent A Barlow

If you are fighting to live well day by day

Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread 

Elder D Todd Christofferson

If you are already living well, but wonder if it's going anywhere

The Fruits of Obedience

Richard G Scott

If you worry that you have to do it alone

His Grace Is Sufficient

Brad Wilcox

If you are concerned about giving your will to God

The Will of the Father in All Things

Elder Jeffrey R Holland 

- Morgan

A Quick Voting Plug

Vote, Vote, Vote!
Politics.  A sort of a hiss and a by word for many of us.  However, 'tis the season.  No, not quite Christmas yet, but it might feel like some kind of holiday with all the campaign signs and commercials.  That's right, it's midterm elections!  Yay!  While we're not quite at that point when we vote for president or senators in our state yet (we're actually halfway there, thus the phrase midterm elections), there are some cool things happening (I guess depending on which side of the aisle you're sitting on).

However, maybe we feel like we are too unaware of what's going on to really make a wise decision.  Well, that's okay.  A quick Google search about issues concerning Utah (or whatever state you live in) and your particular location could provide some quick overviews.  The same process could provide a quick look at various candidate's websites or campaign materials to learn their platforms.  Hey, a little research never hurt anyone.

As you approach the booths today, keep in mind, you don't need to vote for one specific party exclusively.  Go with you gut.  It's ok.  If you don't know where to go to vote, use this LINK to find the location.  Above all, remember, your vote counts.  Two years ago Mia Love lost a close race to Jim Matheson by only 768 votes out of 250,000 votes cast that is less than half a percent meaning, a few votes one way or the other could make a huge difference.  So, whichever way you lean, get out there and exercise your freedom to vote!

A Couple Reasons to Toss in Your Ballot
Still convinced voting isn't for you?  Well, here are a couple reasons you should consider voting:

For Our Money - You know how you pay taxes on stuff?  Well, many of these people are key players in deciding how a portion of that is going to be used and allocated.  Not to mention how other crucial elements of our society are going to be run and managed.  Our schools, our courtrooms, and our legislature are all among the different entities that we are electing new leaders for.

For Our Voice - Without the public speaking up, and that means all of us, much of what happens on the hill is going to be determined interested parties with money and people who get voted in because we don't know any better.  We need to let those guys and gals up there know where we stand on important issues and make sure they represent our values and goals for the fate of our state and of the nation.

For Our Rights - Above all, these people are also key players in deciding the fate of our liberties and laws.  Remember all the hot button being discussed in the Utah news lately?  Well, if we want a hat in the ring, we better get the people in who we think are going to represent us the best and vote on policies we agree on.

Conclusion
Although you might not be a political junkie (though, if you want to start, there are plenty of places that can help you move in that direction; my personal favorite for Utah is UtahPolicy.com), it is important to be aware of the important decisions being made around us in our state and country.  You might not always see the immediate results of these policies, but you will feel them over time, so why not decide to be a little more informed and a little more concerned?  And how about you start today, with your vote?

Happy voting people!

- Morgan

9 Reasons We Might Not Be Getting First Dates

Introduction

Ok, let's be real, dating is a beast.  It requires us to stretch ourselves and take leaps of faith, moving us out of our comfort zone and into, sometimes, uncomfortable waters.  On your journey you're likely going have some pretty weird and embarrassing experiences with many, many dead ends.  On top of all that, we're dealing with other people's feelings.  It's kind of a big deal.  If you're like many of us, there are going to be some tears involved, both on your side and your prospective partner's side.  All in all it's a pretty frustrating process.

However, as many of us know, it's not all doom and gloom.  When a relationship does finally click, there's nothing quite like it.  What can compare to the butterflies in your tummy when you and that pretty girl you've been daydreaming about all day finally admit you like each other, or when the stars finally align and you and that good looking guy share your first kiss?  Nothing.  The problem is, as great as all of these experiences are, without a first date, they’re pretty much doomed to stay daydreams.
  

Points of Improvement

Alright, agreed, that's all fine and dandy, but maybe you've been stuck in a rut lately and you feel like that special someone you’re searching for may just not be in the cards for you.  Well, DON'T YOU WORRY CHILD, you're in good company, we've all been there at some point (except for maybe those ridiculously attractive people with stellar personalities), and it's frustrating.

So, what do you do?

Well first, understand you're not permanently un-dateable, there might just be a few points of improvement to be made.  The following is a list of reasons that we might be missing out on first dates or why first dates might seem so few and far between.  This is by no means an exhaustive list.  However, it is pretty comprehensive, and it points out some of the more common mistakes relationship-challenged individuals make.  As a disclaimer, this list talks about getting FIRST DATES, it doesn't talk about how to maintain relationships, that's a whole different topic.  Additionally, the ideas here come mostly from observation and experience.  Meaning, it is subjective, so take it for what it’s worth.  You never know, you could learn something.  Now that we covered that, here they are, nine reasons we might not be getting first dates.

(P.s. - Click the all caps words for surprises!)

1) We're Not Minding Hygiene

You'd think this would be obvious, but sadly, it gets overlooked sometimes.  Sorry, but it has to be said, if you want to get dates, it's not ok to smell like B.O. or to have layers of plaque on your teeth.  Admittedly, it is a little hard to speak for everyone, we all have different preferences on the matter, but one thing we should all be able to agree on is that we at least need to put a little effort into good personal hygiene.  That being said, what do you do?

It’s not rocket surgery, people.  Ask yourself, "How am I presenting myself?"  Am I sloppy in my appearance?  What do I smell like?  Is my hair out of control?  Did I brush my teeth?  If you're not sure, ask a close friend (preferably of the opposite sex) to offer their opinion.  However, make sure and tell them to be honest (and make sure to ask someone who has good hygiene themselves).  Don't be offended if they come back with a negative response.  Bottom line; we need to be aware of how we are physically presenting ourselves to the (dating) world.

2) We Don't Understand the Principle of Matching

This can be a little difficult to understand fully.  THIS VIDEO can shed a little light onto the concept behind the idea.  Basically, what it comes down to is that we tend to be better off with people that we "match" with on a physical level.  Yes, that sounds super shallow, but all of us need to have a healthy attraction, and as it turns out, we tend to be drawn to people who are about as attractive as we are physically.

One of the most frustrating situations to observe is when, not taking into account matching, a guy continually gets rejected by women that are clearly out of his league, or when a girl can't understand why a guy, a little too good looking for her, isn't falling head over heels.  That's not to say we are unattractive if we're not getting the attention of those we think are good looking, sometimes we have to be honest with ourselves and recognize when we're shooting to high, or even too low.  Yes, we can sometimes make a reverse judgment and date people who might not be a good physical match for us.  While this might not seem like a terrible situation, I promise you, it will come back to be something you will have to deal with later on in the relationship.  So, yes, shoot high!  Shoot for the stars!  But if you're not raking in dates, it might be time to look at matching.

3) We Take Dating Too Seriously (Too Soon)

This problem manifests itself in how we can sometimes think that going on just one date with a person means you two are going to end up together.  Obviously, that's not the case.  It's okay to let someone down nicely after a date or two if you're not feeling it.  Dating is a process.

Too often we find ourselves not even making the first move in asking someone on or accepting a date because we feel like we’re going to be locked into a relationship.  Well, get over it.  And tell your potential date to get over it too.  One date doesn’t make the marriage bells ring (usually), so meet different people, take chances, and have fun.  Above all, be yourself.  Don’t take the situation too seriously and ENJOY THE RIDE.

4) We're Not Ready

There are a million reasons why we might not be ready for dating just yet. The most obvious is that we may have just broke up with someone and we are still recovering.  Another iteration of this is when we're still holding on, a year later, and we haven't yet let go of a past relationship or maybe we're still hung up on a crush.  Other non-relationship reasons could be that we are still recovering from some type of addiction or emotionally exhausting experience and we're not quite ready for something that requires our whole heart and real self.  Maybe we're just plain scared of relationships, and we are treating them like they'll never last.

Whatever the reason is, when we're not ready, we're not ready.  There's no shame is sitting out of the game for a little bit get your bearings back.  One of my favorite videos about recovery after a relationship is THIS ONE (courtesy of Wong Fu).  Sometimes we need to slow down and heal before we can move forward.  There is one danger in this, however.  When we are done healing and emotionally ready, we can't use our past as an excuse for not moving forward.  Let the light in.  When you're ready, don't hold yourself back by purposefully not being willing to get out there and fight for it again.

5) We're Too Picky

We all want our Knights in Shining Armor or Snow Whites, but a hard fact of life is that not all of our potential partners are going to be exactly what we want.  Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that we should lower our reasonable standards, but we should get rid of the ridiculous ones.

One of the best rules I've heard of came from a TALK by Brent A Barlow, a former professor of marriage, family, and human development at Brigham Young University.  He mentioned what he called the 80/20 Rule.  The 80/20 Rule basically states that if we can find someone who fulfills 80% of our needs, then it's a minor miracle and this person will likely be good enough.  Good enough is not settling, it's accepting that we can still be happy, even without 100% of what we were looking for.  So, next time you see someone that is pretty cute, but you’re not sure if you want to bite, remember the 80/20 rule and GIVE HIM OR HER A SHOT.

6) We Aren't Willing to Put Ourselves Out There

Dating is not a spectator's sport.  It's not a passive affair.  Sometimes we need to get down and dirty (in a very appropriate way) in order to find what we're looking for.  That means we might get rejected a few (or many) times or we might find ourselves having to go way out of our comfort zone to make things happen.  But it's not okay for us to sit around in our apartment expecting Mr. Right or Ms. Right to come knocking on our door.  It doesn’t (usually) work like that.  We need to allow ourselves to be VULNERABLE.

Men (and I mean REAL MEN), go for it.  Ask that girl that you've been thinking about asking out, on a date.  If it doesn’t work out do some self-evaluation (remember hygiene, matching, 80/20) and get back in the ring!  Girls, break away from your little group of girly friends and give guys an opportunity to talk to you and ask you out.  Also girls, just so you know, guys can be pretty thick. If you are interested, it's going to take a lot more than just batting your eyelashes at them.  Bottom line, go out and make it happen.  Put in the effort.

7) We Have Inner Conflicts

This problem is somewhat along the lines of not being ready.  The idea is that we still have some unresolved conflicts within ourselves.  Stephen Covey in his book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People talks about how we need to rack up some private victories, meaning victories within ourselves, before we can start scoring some public victories, victories involving other people.  If we are doing things that we know are not in our best interest, not being able to control ourselves, we're going likely suffering from some inner conflicts.

Some examples of this are if we lack control in our spending and aren't being wise with our finances.  It could mean lacking self-discipline in our eating or exercise habits.  The problem with these inner conflicts is that they eat away at our self-respect and self-confidence (a point we will touch on), making us less likely to go for the gold, and leaving us feeling less than attractive.

8) We Lack Confidence

It's hard to sell your cause if you don't believe in it yourself.  Likewise, if we don't think we are worth dating, we're going to have a hard time finding someone else who will.  This won't be because others won't try to see the best in us, but because we are going to consciously or unconsciously push them away.  JOHNNY LINGO is a great movie, but more often than not, we are going to have to be our own Johnny Lingo's to bring out the good in ourselves, so we can help bring it out in others.

9) We're Not Our Best Selves

If I had to sum up the whole of what we just discussed, it would be that we’re probably not getting dates because we are not our best selves.  When everything is said and done, when we are at our best, we are pretty dang attractive.  We have confidence because we have conquered our inner conflicts, we will feel ready to put ourselves out there, and we know what we want and where we’re going.

If you feel like you are not getting dates, then work on yourself.  Change what you can change; because here’s a secret, you can’t change other people.  The only thing you really have control over is you, or your actions and thoughts.  Change moves from the inside out, and if we want to see results, we need to make sure we start on the inside first. 

Conclusion

Yes, dating is a beast.  We’ve established that, but it's beast that can be tamed.  You can do dating.  Billions of people have done it (literally), and many, many people have found happiness in it.  Accept that you’re going to have to flounder around for a little, maybe even a long time, but it only takes one person to end the dating game (relationships, however, are a whole different discussion).  So, need a PEP TALK?  You can do this.  Have confidence and believe.  Be ready to try different things and fail.  Give that good guy or nice girl a chance; he or she is probably has a lot more to offer than you think.  If you're struggling with one or more of these problems, now's the time to do some personal inventory and get your love life back on track!

Again, much of what has been discussed reflects personal experiences and observations.  Obviously, I'm no dating expert, so much of this post was done mostly for fun.  Additionally, all of us fall short in one or more of these problems from time to time at different times in our lives.  You're not going to find one person who has all of these completely figured out.  As Stephen Covey has said, we need to be continually sharpening the saw.  Above all, we need to celebrate our small victories.  Remember, progress is evolutionary, not revolutionary, and we're not going to build our "dating Rome" in a day.  That being said, do you have any ideas?  Let me know what you think.  Leave a comment, suggestion, or experience.  And of course, don't forget, we're all in this TOGETHER.

Good luck friends, I believe in you!

- Morgan

Letting Go - What I Learned from the Avatar

Introduction
I find that, as a writer, you get inspiration from a lot of different places - nature, experiences, and even other people that you meet.  Sometimes, though, you get inspiration from places that other people might consider weird.

With that as a preface, before I proceed forward, I want to take this time to confess something - I am a die hard Last Airbender and Legend of Korra fan.  Like seriously.  I own and wear t-shirts with logos from the series and all of the seasons are ranked high on my "to buy" list.   I've had multiple conversations with different people about what type of bender they think they would be and I'm pretty sure I would be an earth or an air bender.  Not that I need to, but I justify my Avatar fandom by pointing out that we all get our little nerdy things that we like (I just happen to have a lot of them, one of them being this series).

Korra's Experience 
Now that I have that off my chest, this post was inspired by a scene from one of the latest episodes (yes, I follow it closely).  Before we get too far I want to point out that there is a SPOILER ALERT ahead for those of you who haven't seen the episode but still plan on watching it (For those who want to watch it, you can find it HERE).

At this point in the series, Korra is experiencing some problems with her fighting skills and is having periodic, traumatic flashbacks to the events of last season.  She is frustrated because she just can't seem to understand why her fighting is just not up to parr with where it used to be, so she goes on soul-searching journey in various places around the world, until she finally finds herself being led to a swamp by a little puppy (who turns out to be a spirit), where she finds Toph (one of the main characters from The Last Airbender).

After training with Toph for a short amount of time and getting beat down multiple times.  In Korra's frustration, Toph points out that, despite her daughter, Suyin's, efforts to remove the metallic poison that had debilitated Korra (leaving her in a wheelchair at the end of the last season), some of the poison still remained in her body and was weighing her down.  Korra, upon realizing this, is pretty relieved to find out that the problem seems to be something that can be fixed.  She just needs to have Toph bend the metallic poison out of her body.

The Realization
Later in the episode, we see Korra laying down and Toph attempting to remove the remaining poison.  As soon as she starts the process, Korra winces in pain, and Toph tells her to relax (in a Toph sort of way).  Upon trying it again, Korra cringes at Toph's attempt to remove the poison.

For some reason, Korra just can't seem to relax enough, and Toph gets a bit annoyed and tells Korra that she needs to be the one to remove the poison herself.  Korra can't understand why she can't relax enough to get the poison out when Toph points out that maybe it's because she doesn't want the poison out so she doesn't have to go back out and be the avatar.  In the end, what it came down to was, Korra was scared.

I don't know why, but Korra's whole experience struck a chord with me.  I know the Legend of Korra is just a cartoon, but you just can't help but smile at how profound some of these scenes are.  Korra needed to go back to being the avatar, but being the avatar might mean getting hurt again, and maybe even dying.  It could mean more traumatic experiences, more failures, and certainly it meant facing an unknown future.

The Lesson
How many times do we find ourselves running away from things that we need to do?  Holding on to past experiences, good or bad, because we're scared that putting ourselves out there will leave us in a vulnerable position?  We're afraid of failing or getting hurt physically, mentally, or emotionally.

In real life, this fear could translate into any number of circumstances - dating (which I find is a big one for those in the twenty-something age range), learning something new, deciding move to a new place, making friends, or even having an important chat with a loved one (parents, siblings, or friend).  In general, putting yourself out there.

As we learned from Korra, if we live our lives like that, we will be, figuratively, weighed down and unable to accomplish what we are truly capable of doing.  It's true, life does come with some ups and downs.  It comes with hard experiences and failures, but if we let failure, or more importantly the fear of failure hold us back, we will miss out on so many lessons and blessings.

Elder F. Enzio Busche in his talk, Unleashing the Dormant Spirit said,

Avoid any fear like your worst enemy, but magnify your fear about the consequences of sin. 

I love that line.  We need to avoid any fear, except the fear of doing wrong.  Fear really is a terrible thing. It stops us from being able to move forward.  It stops us from realizing our true potential or being able to do the things that God needs us to do.  It's true, from time to time, we will have moments when we are scared because of experiences we've had in the past.  And sometimes, we will let the fear get the best of us, I know I have, but we can't let it hold us back.  We need to let go.

Conclusion
The other day I saw the conclusion of Korra's trouble with the metallic poison.

SPOILER ALERT: Korra is finally able to bend the poison out of her system, but only after she lets go of the painful memories that she was holding on to.  It almost brought me to tears, not because the heroine was finally able to let go and become her old self, but because I know what that feels like.

We all have things that we hold on to, much to our detriment, but what a wonderful feeling it is to be able to let those things go.  Many of those things take time and sustained effort, like sins or bad habits, but when we finally "get the poison out of our system" we are so
much better because of it.

I sincerely hope that we can all have the experience, and frequently, of letting go of the things that are holding us back and have the chance to realize our potential.  I know that through the Atonement and grace we can have the strength to let even the hardest things go.  In any case, the memories might remain, but the weight will not.  How grateful I am for that realization and that the love of God can help us get through those hard times.  We truly are blessed to have a loving Heavenly Father and a Savior who were willing to help make all of the letting go and the change experiences possible for us.  We're even luckier if we have witnessed those miracles in our own lives or the lives of those we love.  I hope that if you haven't let go of mistakes or fears, please consider doing so, you will be so much better off.

- Morgan

Our Own Worst Enemies - Being Enough

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There have been a lot of things on my mind lately.  I've been trying to do something of makeover of my life.  New place, new experiences, so why not new life?  It's a little more than that actually.  Sometimes you just get to that point when you look at who you are and what you've become and realize it's not where you want to be.  You need to make some changes.  A part of those changing was getting out of a place that I love and have become so comfortable in.  Thus, a cross-state move.

Another great thing that I did last night and today was take some time to identify exactly who I want to be, down to the very last attribute and skill.  It's still a work in progress, but it is refreshing to gain a perspective of where you are now and where you want to go.  Who you want to become.  

In the process of all of this, I have been reading books that contain information about becoming who I want to be.  One of those books is called 'Winning with People' by John Maxwell.  Now, I don't love John Maxwell, I think his theories about leadership are a bit conceited (however, that's another post), but he does have some good stuff in his books.  

'Winning with People' details different principles to work on in order to become a better people person.  Now, you'd think I'd be a really good people person having been student body president, but honestly, I still struggle with so many things.  A lot of what I wrote last week was inspired by the first chapter that I read of that book called 'The Lens Principle,' presenting the idea that the way we see the world is influenced by our personal 'lens' of the world, which is shaped by many factors, including attitude, genetics, and our associations.

One idea that really stood out to me in the chapter I read today was something that the book mentioned, "if you do not believe in yourself, you will sabotage relationships."  Now, I know not everyone struggles with this, believing in yourself.  In fact, for many people it is the exact opposite, they believe too much in themselves.  However, it is a problem that we probably don't address as much as we should, especially among the male population.

I will be the first to admit that I am my own worst critic.  My inner voice is constantly telling me that I am not enough.  This may be a shocking revelation to many, I'm not sure that I give off that vibe, but sometimes I feel like I can never be good enough for the standards that I want to have.  I am constantly making mistakes and falling back on commitments to myself and others.  That some how I'm going to disappoint both God and the people I love.  It is all quite frustrating.  

However, in spite of all this, the last and least productive thing that I need to do is mentally pummel myself into submission, to the point that I don't even believe that I am really capable of anything.  Believe it or not, I have been there before.  

It doesn't help that Mormon culture is pretty infamous for having ridiculously high standards and even more severe self-punishment when those standards are not met.  Is it any wonder why Utah is among the most depressed states in the country?  

How damaging is it for us to believe will never be good enough?  Very.  What if we believe we are not worth anyone's time because we just can't get it right?  What if we feel like everybody deserves to be happy but us because we keep failing?  If you can imagine, it's a very hard thing to deal with.  It's even worse for relationships.

What if we kept trying to find reasons we shouldn't date someone because we didn't feel worthy to date them?  Yeah.  It's rough.

Maybe some of us don't have it that bad, maybe we just lack a little confidence in social settings and it's frustrating to us.  Maybe we think we're a little too dull to date the kind of person we want to date.  There's quite the spectrum of ways we see ourselves falling short, however, the bottom line is we need to change that little voice inside our heads that says we are not enough.  

It has been said that, "all significant battles are waged within the self" (Sheldon Kopp).  No more is that true in our own self image and the constant nagging that says because we don't measure up to unrealistic expectations, or even realistic ones, we are not enough.

It made a world of difference for me today to even just cease the inner critic for a few hours.  I felt so much better as a result of believing that even though I'm not perfect, I'm enough.  Tiffany Peterson once suggested an exercise to be done in the mirror.  She suggested that we take a little time (I believe it was 5-10 minutes) at the end of the day, just before going to bed, to look into the mirror and congratulate ourselves for all the good things that we had done today, the things that we had accomplished, and to remind ourselves that we are enough.  

It's a little weird at first, but it is a great experience to try at least once.  It may even draw a few tears.  

My challenge for myself and to anyone who has made it this far in my post is to silence that inner critic (although it is healthy, to own up to shortcoming on a regular basis, as long as it doesn't impede our growth) and love ourselves; take some time to identify who you want to become and how you want to get there; and take some time to get to know yourself, your wants and desires, and what moves you.  It may sound a little narcissistic, but oh how it helps you.  Especially if you're struggling.  

I promise that as you do this, no matter where you fall on the self-pummeling spectrum, you will feel a burden lifted off your shoulders.  For some of you, it will make a world of difference.  

So, in case you don't believe it, you are enough.  You know how I know?  God made us all after His image, and with the explicit destiny of becoming as He is.  We have a grand destiny ahead of us and He is with us through all the setbacks and falls, cheering us on.  Even if we can't see it.  You are enough because He is enough.  He gave His Son so we could be enough.

Good luck my friends.  I'm also cheering for you.

I wish you well in your inner journeyings.

- Morgan

P.S.

Some more great books, literature, and media to check out:

This LDS talk

Also this TED talk

This book

Also this book

This person

A Brave New World - Seeing Things Differently

A Brave New World

Today was an interesting day.  Well, I guess if you look at it from an outside point of view it was actually really boring - I woke up, ran, got ready, ate breakfast/lunch, worked, read a book, read scriptures, then played volleyball.  However, the reality of the situation is that I'm in a completely different town, house, and circumstance than I was a week ago.  It's crazy how things can change so fast.  However, what's also crazy is how even if you change your surroundings some things are still exactly the same.

I've been thinking about this a lot as I have been trying to get know people around here.  I feel like I've been especially awkward and quiet in certain social situations - a problem that I run into in places where I don't know anybody.  It's honestly quite frustrating, and I was beginning to wonder if maybe it was where I was - there are already little tight nit groups and I'm just sitting on the outside, looking in.  However, today I had something of a revelation.

A Little Story

I was reminded of this story in the book I was reading earlier:

A traveler on the outskirts of a great city asked an older fellow seated on the side of the road, "What are people like in this city?"
     "What were they like where you came from?" the man asked.
     "Horrible," the traveler reported.  "Mean, untrustworthy, detestable, in all respects."
     "Ah," said the old man, "you will find them the same in the city ahead."
     It wasn't minutes after the first traveler had left that another stopped by and asked the old man the same question about the people in the city he was entering.  Again, the old man asked the traveler what the people where he had just come from were like.
     "They were fine people:  honest, industrious, and generous to a fault," declared the second traveler.  "I was sorry to leave."
     The old man answered, "That's exactly how you'll find the people here."

Where We Are

I had thought about this in the past and a lesson that I had learned years ago in my service a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints came to mind.  As a missionary, I frequently ran into both members of the church and missionaries who thought wherever they were - stake, ward, area - was the worst.  The worst area, the worst members, and just plain mean people.  Likewise, there were also members and missionaries who thought where they were was just great.  It didn't matter where they were, wherever they were, the work flourished.  It was then that I learned where you are is less important than who you are.

Here's the thing, at the end of the day, a change of scenery will change how some events play out, but it doesn't change you.  Moving to a bigger city means more opportunities to meet different types of a people (and for you singles out there, a bigger dating pool to select from).  However, if you were not as proactive about reaching out and meeting people where you lived before as you should have been, you're going to have that same problem regardless of your location.

Another Lesson

Here's another lesson to chisel in stone:  who we are determines how we see other people and how we see the world

If we had problems where we were before, we're going to have problems wherever we end up.  Why?  Because chances are the problems were less external and more internal.  If we thought the people we associated with were fools in the last place we lived, we're probably going to think they're fools no matter where we go.

Now, sometimes there are some genuine problems that we run into in different places.  Yes, there are some crazies out there and some bad situations, but before we condemn people or places, we should take a good look at ourselves and our lenses.  

It's important that we understand as well that what we are is what we're going to get, or in other words, we attract people that we are like (There's a wonderful scripture in D&C 88:40 to back that thought up).

This is important information for those looking to date or create any type of relationship.  If we don't like the people that we are drawing to us, well, maybe it's time to take a look at ourselves.  We may be surprised as to what we find.

Conclusion

So what's the solution if we are having problems with people or places?

Well, at least part of the antidote comes down to looking inside and come to terms with what you find.  Once we've done some introspection, and we don't like what we see, the next step is to fix it, mend it, strengthen it, or at the very least be able to recognize that there is a problem.  This is the beginning of real personal growth - being able to see ourselves as we really are.

So that's the challenge, take a little time, figure out whatever it is that might troubling us, and look deep inside to find what we can do inside to resolve it.  Sometimes, we really can't change some things in life, but we can change our attitudes and our actions.  Ask Victor Frankl.  Understanding there are some things we can't change and taking steps to change those things that are within our control can make all the difference.

The best part is, when you've taken control of what have control over, wherever you are, can end up being a brave new world.  Even somewhere you've been all your life.  It's amazing what an inner change can do to your outer surroundings.

How did my day end?  I decided to try my best to not be weird, to be friendly and outgoing, and well, I got a date this weekend.  So, I practiced what I've been preaching.  Give it a shot, who knows what will come of a little change on the inside.

- Morgan