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Ok. Ready to write!
There have been a lot of things on my mind lately. I've been trying to do something of makeover of my life. New place, new experiences, so why not new life? It's a little more than that actually. Sometimes you just get to that point when you look at who you are and what you've become and realize it's not where you want to be. You need to make some changes. A part of those changing was getting out of a place that I love and have become so comfortable in. Thus, a cross-state move.
Another great thing that I did last night and today was take some time to identify exactly who I want to be, down to the very last attribute and skill. It's still a work in progress, but it is refreshing to gain a perspective of where you are now and where you want to go. Who you want to become.
In the process of all of this, I have been reading books that contain information about becoming who I want to be. One of those books is called 'Winning with People' by John Maxwell. Now, I don't love John Maxwell, I think his theories about leadership are a bit conceited (however, that's another post), but he does have some good stuff in his books.
'Winning with People' details different principles to work on in order to become a better people person. Now, you'd think I'd be a really good people person having been student body president, but honestly, I still struggle with so many things. A lot of what I wrote last week was inspired by the first chapter that I read of that book called 'The Lens Principle,' presenting the idea that the way we see the world is influenced by our personal 'lens' of the world, which is shaped by many factors, including attitude, genetics, and our associations.
One idea that really stood out to me in the chapter I read today was something that the book mentioned, "if you do not believe in yourself, you will sabotage relationships." Now, I know not everyone struggles with this, believing in yourself. In fact, for many people it is the exact opposite, they believe too much in themselves. However, it is a problem that we probably don't address as much as we should, especially among the male population.
I will be the first to admit that I am my own worst critic. My inner voice is constantly telling me that I am not enough. This may be a shocking revelation to many, I'm not sure that I give off that vibe, but sometimes I feel like I can never be good enough for the standards that I want to have. I am constantly making mistakes and falling back on commitments to myself and others. That some how I'm going to disappoint both God and the people I love. It is all quite frustrating.
However, in spite of all this, the last and least productive thing that I need to do is mentally pummel myself into submission, to the point that I don't even believe that I am really capable of anything. Believe it or not, I have been there before.
It doesn't help that Mormon culture is pretty infamous for having ridiculously high standards and even more severe self-punishment when those standards are not met. Is it any wonder why Utah is among the most depressed states in the country?
How damaging is it for us to believe will never be good enough? Very. What if we believe we are not worth anyone's time because we just can't get it right? What if we feel like everybody deserves to be happy but us because we keep failing? If you can imagine, it's a very hard thing to deal with. It's even worse for relationships.
What if we kept trying to find reasons we shouldn't date someone because we didn't feel worthy to date them? Yeah. It's rough.
Maybe some of us don't have it that bad, maybe we just lack a little confidence in social settings and it's frustrating to us. Maybe we think we're a little too dull to date the kind of person we want to date. There's quite the spectrum of ways we see ourselves falling short, however, the bottom line is we need to change that little voice inside our heads that says we are not enough.
It has been said that, "all significant battles are waged within the self" (Sheldon Kopp). No more is that true in our own self image and the constant nagging that says because we don't measure up to unrealistic expectations, or even realistic ones, we are not enough.
It made a world of difference for me today to even just cease the inner critic for a few hours. I felt so much better as a result of believing that even though I'm not perfect, I'm enough. Tiffany Peterson once suggested an exercise to be done in the mirror. She suggested that we take a little time (I believe it was 5-10 minutes) at the end of the day, just before going to bed, to look into the mirror and congratulate ourselves for all the good things that we had done today, the things that we had accomplished, and to remind ourselves that we are enough.
It's a little weird at first, but it is a great experience to try at least once. It may even draw a few tears.
My challenge for myself and to anyone who has made it this far in my post is to silence that inner critic (although it is healthy, to own up to shortcoming on a regular basis, as long as it doesn't impede our growth) and love ourselves; take some time to identify who you want to become and how you want to get there; and take some time to get to know yourself, your wants and desires, and what moves you. It may sound a little narcissistic, but oh how it helps you. Especially if you're struggling.
I promise that as you do this, no matter where you fall on the self-pummeling spectrum, you will feel a burden lifted off your shoulders. For some of you, it will make a world of difference.
So, in case you don't believe it, you are enough. You know how I know? God made us all after His image, and with the explicit destiny of becoming as He is. We have a grand destiny ahead of us and He is with us through all the setbacks and falls, cheering us on. Even if we can't see it. You are enough because He is enough. He gave His Son so we could be enough.
Good luck my friends. I'm also cheering for you.
I wish you well in your inner journeyings.
- Morgan
P.S.
Some more great books, literature, and media to check out:
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